Oneness, Self Awareness & Self Consciousness

Hello! I hope you're doing wonderfully.
I have made the above diagram to explain visually what I'm about to explain in words. It will also serve to assist me in explaining other topics another day - but please know that I am aware that it is not an exhaustive look at either dimensions, realities or realms.
So - here's the words to explain the diagram:)
As I mentioned in my previous post - I used to have a very inner Spirituality. And my outer world was not always in sync with my knowing, truth, or inner world. 
On top of that, in the last few years I had allowed my external experiences to squish my Spirituality into an even denser inner world - is that even possible, given my own diagram?! Just go with me on this for a moment:)
Journeying back into the world of 'dating', working for other people, studying Fitness and Film & TV, and living in the places I've lived - led me to meet a diverse range of people - which I Loved!
It also brought up an issue I've been having for some time now - how awkward I am around other people.
I've worked so hard and for so long on why this is - and to try to change how that affects other people, and thereby me. It was sparklingly clear that who I am around people is not reflective of who I am when I'm alone.
Here's the self consciousness and self awareness part.
When I'm alone it gives me the space to just BE. And that gives me the freedom to simply be self aware (and Self Aware).
As soon as I'm around other people - the 'reality' of individual identities and separation really hits, and I become self conscious.
​It is not a good look!

I've done over a decade of work on this - and had hoped for better results by now! Then I put two and two together.
Now - it was a BIG deal for me to talk about my Spirituality in my last post. Philosophy is one thing to talk about in public - it's mildly acceptable in Australia. But even that last post is way too much for a majority of the people I know - and for most Australians. Most people here are very down to earth.
Where I am about to venture is going to be too much for everyone I know - and not something I've ever spoken about with anyone.
​So, here goes...

My reality prior to this one was very, very different to this world.
I can easily recall what it was like.
If you look at my diagram above, you'll see there's Oneness, then Angels, then Light Consciousness.
I was in that realm - and the closest I can visually represent it here is with the aurora image above.
In that realm we were conscious light streams - somewhere between rays and plasma is how I can best put it right now. 
We would dynamically play - flowing and merging. We didn't have bodies, faces or form, as such. We were much more like the aurora you probably know well from videos and images - as I just mentioned.
We were different colours, sounds and vibrations - different 'essences' - and our creativity came from what we would co-create by merging and blending. It was exquisite, ecstatic and wonderfully beautiful.
It was a world of Light that was constantly changing. We had integrity, but not the same level of individuality we have here on Earth.
There was no negativity or ego, so there were none of the issues that we have in our unique, end of the line type complete independence here.
There wasn't real individual separation as we have here - we all knew that we were aspects of Oneness - there to co-create stunningly.

Then I came here and got me a body!
By all accounts I was a happy baby. My parents would walk in to find me sitting up in my cot laughing and chatting with who knows what.
But as life continued and the rules of being human and being a good little girl became stricter and ever more confining - I began to feel more and more out of place and wrong and too much and not enough.
I can be over familiar, too exuberant, too 'me'.
If you think about where I came from, it might not be too surprising. I'm not asking you to believe anything about anything I've said or will say. I'm simply telling you a bit of my personal experiences, memories and knowing.
My world was full of Joy and Love and explorations in merging and blending as Light.
So in a body, here, I'm awkward. Think Eric in the first MIB movie. I Love intimacy - as one of my older posts will attest to - but it's a rare thing for me here (actually non-existent nowadays).
I miss being Light dancing and playing with other Light!
Wonderfully we have Nature here. She's a life saver. So is poetry and writing and dancing. I SO wish I could sing better! You probably wouldn't be able to stop me - except for the extreme self consciousness that comes with being in a physical body with eyes and ears and mouths and other people.
One of the reasons I'm writing this post is because I would Love to do videos as well as write - and plan to.  Just as this post is a step out into the world expressing my self and experiences - and brings a modicum of self consciousness with it - you can imagine that putting my face and body and voice on camera is an even bigger step. 
Please feel free to be gentle when I do:)
Separation is a thing! I have quite a lot to say about that - from an evolutionary perspective. But for now I'll keep it super simple.
I see where we're at as the innermost in breath of Life - one of its densest forms. And where we're headed now is the out breath back 'out' to Oneness.
Of course, as my diagram suggests, we're always IN Oneness.
What I'm saying is that we're about to become less dense. Less separate. Evolve back 'out'.
Happy Days!
Thank you for being here.